How to Find a Job Through Your Network (Even If You Hate Networking)

Most job advice tells you that networking is the most effective way to get hired. They're not wrong. Roughly 70% of jobs are filled through some form of personal connection, not job board applications.

But that advice usually stops there. It doesn't tell you what to actually do, especially if you're introverted, hate small talk, or feel weird messaging old colleagues out of the blue.

I work with job seekers every day, and almost all of them get stuck at the same place: they know they should reach out, but they don't know how, who, or what to say.

Here's a practical framework that actually works.

Start With a List, Not a Message

Before you send anything, make a list. Open a spreadsheet or just a doc and pull from three sources:

1. Your LinkedIn connections. Filter by people who work at companies you'd actually want to join.
2. Former coworkers and managers, even from years ago.
3. Anyone you've worked with on a project, taken a class with, or met at an industry event.

Don't filter by closeness. Filter by where they work.

You're not looking for best friends. You're looking for people whose company you'd consider joining, or who could introduce you to someone at that kind of company.

A typical list runs 20 to 60 names.

Sort the List Into Three Groups

Group 1: People you've talked to in the last 12 months. Group 2: People you used to know well but haven't talked to in a while. Group 3: Acquaintances or weak ties.

Each group needs a slightly different message. Don't worry about getting it perfect. The structure matters more than the exact words.

What to Actually Say

Here's the structure that works in my experience, regardless of group:

Acknowledge the gap. "Hey, it's been a while" or "I know we haven't talked since the project in 2019."

Be honest about why you're reaching out. "I'm in the early stages of looking for my next role and trying to talk to people whose work I respect."

Make it easy for them to say yes. "Would you be open to a 15-minute call sometime in the next couple weeks?"

Don't ask for a job. Ask for a conversation.

That last point is the one most people get wrong. The fastest way to make someone go silent is to ask them for a job in the first message. They don't know who's hiring. They don't know your situation. They feel put on the spot.

If you ask for a 15-minute conversation, almost all of them say yes. And inside that conversation, the path to a job opens up naturally.

What to Talk About on the Call

People panic about this. Don't. Here's a simple structure:

1. Catch up briefly (5 minutes). What are they up to?
2. Tell them what you're looking for, in one sentence. Be specific. "I'm looking for a senior product role at a mid-stage SaaS company, ideally in fintech or healthtech."
3. Ask what's going on at their company. Are they hiring? What does their team look like?
4. Ask if there's anyone else they'd recommend you talk to.

That last question is the magic one. Even if their company isn't hiring, most people can think of one or two other people you should talk to. Each conversation generates the next one.

After three weeks of doing this, you'll typically have 5 to 10 active conversations going. One or two will turn into actual interviews.

The Math of Networking

Here's why this works better than applying to jobs online.

When you apply to a job posting, you're competing with 200 to 1,000 other candidates. Your odds are bad and getting worse.

When someone inside the company refers you, you're often one of 3 to 5 candidates being seriously considered, and you've already been pre-vouched for. Your odds are dramatically better.

Spending one hour reaching out to your network is more valuable than spending 20 hours on job board applications. The math isn't even close.

What to Do If You Have a Small Network

Some people read this and think: "I don't have a network." Usually, they actually do. They just haven't counted.

Pull up LinkedIn. How many connections do you have? If you have more than 200, you have a network. Most of those people will remember you faster than you think.

If you genuinely have a small network, build one before you need a job. Comment on posts in your industry. Reach out to people you find interesting. Have one networking coffee a week, even when you're not looking.

A network you build in advance is worth a lot more than a network you scramble to build during a job search.

The Awkwardness Goes Away

The biggest barrier I see is emotional, not tactical. People know they should reach out. They just feel awkward.

Here's the truth: every person you message is going to remember talking to you, not the awkwardness of the first message. After about ten messages, the awkwardness goes away entirely.

The first one is the hardest. Send it.